I never needed a friend like I do now
by No one specific
Summary: Gin Ichamaru and Luppi were friends, as said in the manga and anime. Gin actually said he wasn't a fan of sad endings after Luppi died. Song-fic to the song "Gomenasai"-which I believe means I'm sorry-by t.A.T.u.


_What I thought wasn't mine, in the light, wasn't one of a kind, A precious pearl_

The first time I ever opened my eyes was when Aizen created me. I'm not sure what exactly happened, I never understood that.

"Is he a he or a she?" a silver haired man asked.

"It's a he named Luppi. He's our new 6th espada, replacing Grimmjow," a man said. I didn't know who he was at all. Hell, I didn't know who anyone was.

"Gin, you show Luppi to his room." Was I Luppi?

"Get some clothes on," Gin said and threw some sort of outfit to me.

I got dressed into whatever it was and felt like an idiot. Gin helped me up- I was very wobbly on my feet since I've never walked before. We went down to my room and he left me there. The odd thing about him was that he always smiled…didn't his mouth get sore?

_When I wanted to cry, I couldn't cause I, Wasn't allowed_

It was the first espada meeting. I went. It was so awkward. I just wanted to curl up and not let anyone see me. Gin grabbed my shoulder and walked me over to the corner.

"No matter what shit those guys say to you, just act like you know what's going on. You are the new espada. Got that?" Gin asked.

I nodded. Then, Gin squeezed my shoulder and told me where I was going to sit. Why would he care about that? He was just smiling and making small talk with...was that Szayel or Yammy? I didn't remember. I'm pretty sure it was Yammy. Yammy was the pink haired one, right? But it might have been Szayel... I needed to get my names straight...

_Gomenasai, for everything, Gomenasai, I know I let you down,_

As soon as the meeting was over, a blue haired dude with one arm ran over to me.

"I was the former 6th espada, you know that?" he said. With one hand he pinned me against the wall, "I want my spot back. One day I'll get it back."

I told him to fuck off and walked to my room. When I got there, I curled up.

_Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend, like I do now,_

I tried to tell Aizen-sama I didn't want to be an espada and that Grimmjow should just get his spot back. Aizen was angry at me. I told him that I really didn't want to be an espada, and Aizen jumped down and hit me across the room. There was some blood on my face. He told me that if I said anything more about this, he'd kill me. I ran to my room and cried. Then Gin came and asked if I was alright.

I looked up at him and he was still smiling, but a different smile. This one didn't seem so fake.

_What I thought was a rose, so innocent, was a delicate doll, of porcelain_

Gin was amazing. He never lost his cool and he was always joking around. He'd hang out with me a lot because I was the new guy who needed help. Then one day, he told me that it'd been a month and I could go on my own. Without thinking, I asked if we'd still be able to hang out. Gin stared at me (or whatever he does).

For a minute I thought he was going to hurt me like Aizen had. Rather, Gin stood up and said that of course we'd be friends. He said that I was amazing and he couldn't possibly not be friends with me.

We hung out a lot. The last time I saw him just the two of us, he told me that I was amazing and kissed my forehead. Then he told me that Aizen needed him to go to the world of the living and fight some shinigami.

_When I wanted to call you, and ask you for help, I stopped myself_

I waited in the gargenta to go to the world of the living. Wonderwice, Yammy, and Grimmjow were also there. Grimmjow was going to fight some berry head named Ichigo and I was going to fight the others, along with Yammy and Wonderwice was just going to hang out since he was new.

I looked at the cell phone that Aizen had given each of us. I'd never actually fought to the death before and I was terrified. I picked it up and was about to call Gin. Then I stopped. Gin would never do anything like this. He was amazing, so I didn't want to disappoint him.

_Gomenasai, for everything, Gomenasai, I know I le you down, _

I fought so hard that day. I ran over and used those tentacle things in my released form to fight with the shinigami. I was sure I could kill them all. Then I realized I missed one. It was the silver haired dude. He took his sword and used all the energy he had to put me in some sort of blockade of ice. It was a million ice beams coming straight at me.

_Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend, like I do now_

I screamed. It hurt so badly! I wanted to get out of there! I tried to get loose, but I couldn't. I really did try! Then it got even colder and hard to breathe. There was blood on my face again, just like when Aizen had hit me. Then suddenly all I wanted was for this to be over and to go to Gin. This was the first time I realized that I might never see Gin Ichimaru again.

_What I thought was a dream, a mirage, was as real as it seemed, a privilege_

When we got back, Aizen had some girl prisoner. He told her to heal Grimmjow's arm and that this was all worth it.

"Yeah right," I said.

"I didn't intend to have you beat up so badly," Aizen said, and then to the prisoner he said, "As a test of your strength, heal Grimmjow's arm."

"Hm. Well, she can't heal Grimmjow's arm," I said. It was impossible.

She started to, and I thought for a minute that it was some sort of illusion. Then Grimmjow flexed his hand and told her to heal his back where his number had been burned away. I was shocked.

_When I wanted to tell you, I made a mistake, I walked away_

Suddenly I knew what he was going to do. I remembered when he came and said that he was going to get his spot back. I turned and saw Gin, Aizen, and Tousen.

"You didn't want to be an espada, did you, Luppi?" Aizen asked.

I was saved! He'd let Grimmjow replace me and not kill me.

"No, I don't!" I said.

"Well today's your lucky day!" Grimmjow said.

Then I realized that Aizen wasn't going to kill me, but he was going to let Grimmjow kill me.

I turned to Gin and wanted to tell him thanks for everything! I wanted to tell him and say good-bye! I really wanted to! I needed to! But I didn't. I wanted to die with some dignity and not humiliate Gin, because if they found out about us being friends, who knows what would happen to Gin. I'm sure he'd understand. I really wanted to, but I kept my mouth shut.

_Gomenasai, for everything, Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai_

It happened so fast, I didn't even realize what was happening. I was standing there looking at Gin-people think I was looking at Aizen, but I was looking for Gin, trying to tell him with my eyes that I love him- then suddenly Grimmjow stood right in front of me and stabbed his hand straight through my chest.

"You bastard," I sputtered.

_I never needed a friend, like I do now_

The last thing I thought was that I had a good life. Sort of. But then I thought that I knew I wasn't going to make it and that I wanted to be with Gin. I thought that I love Gin. I really needed him right now. I really, really did! But that was a sign of weakness, and Gin told me the first day that I was an Espada, and Espada don't cry. Even if I wasn't going to be an Espada anymore, I might as well die with some dignity. But when I could feel Grimmjow's cero blast beginning to form, I did cry. Not enough for anyone to see, but I cried. I cried because I needed Gin. All those other times I needed someone, it was never like this. I wished that I'd told him I loved him at least once. Then I was obliterated into pieces.

_Gomenasai, I let you down_

Gin Ichimaru brought the remains of Luppi to the outside. He buried them in the sand. He wanted to leave a marker, but didn't want anyone to know. Why hadn't I told him that I loved him, that I needed him? Gin thought. Then he covered the area and whispered, "I should have been there with you."

_Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai till the end_

Gin sat there. Why didn't he stop Grimmjow or Aizen from letting Grimmjow kill Luppi? He wondered. He sat down on the sand where he buried his friend, the person he loved, and the only person he'd ever been close to. WHY?

_I never needed a friend, like I do now_

Gin sat there and just thought. He wiped at his eyes. No one saw him. He just sat there and thought of Luppi. Poor Luppi, who he couldn't save.

"I've needed people before, but," he managed to whisper, then he said, "Good bye and I miss you Luppi. I wish I've told you that before. I never needed a friend like I do now."

Note: My friend actually cried when I showed her this. She said she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. I wanted to see if I could do anything tragic or a song-fic, and it appears I can... Oops? Oh well. Please review and I'm sorry that Gin was kind of...OOC? Yeah, maybe. Or it's the kind of Gin you never get to see.

The song is Gomenasai by t.A.T.u.. They're a really awesome Russian duo.

Hope you liked it!


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